Katey's Secret
by Sindavagorien
Summary: Katey has a secret that she has been keeping from Javier. How will he react to it? Slight AU, Anorexia, SI. If you don't like that stuff please don't read.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer #1: I own none of the characters.

Disclaimer #2: If you don't like stories containing eating disorders or self-harm please don't read.

Comments are welcome. I hope you like it. It's hasn't been beta-ed so I'm going to appologize for any mistakes right now.**  
**

**Katey's Secret**

**Prologue**

"Why do we have to move anyway?" I asked.

"You know why. Can't you just be happy for your father? I know that it's hard for you to leave everything behind but I promise that it'll get better."

"It's my senior year and you're pulling me out of school, moving to Cuba, and you just expect me to be happy about it!?" I yelled.

"Katey, please don't make this any harder than it already is. We're all giving up something. Now, finish packing, I don't want to miss our flight."

I know that my mom just wanted me to happy for my father but why should I. They were taking me away from everything that I know. I didn't want to cause any problems or be stubborn but it was better than admitting that I was scared. I had tried to convince my parents to let me stay with one of my friends but they didn't want to leave me, their perfect daughter, behind.

"Katey! Hurry up!" my father yelled up the stairs.

"Okay! I'm almost finished!" I yelled back, while finishing packing my luggage.

The only reason we're moving to Cuba, more specifically Havana, was because my fathers boss gave him a promotion. I wasn't happy about moving but I don't get a say in it. I know that this promotion is important to him.

"Come on, Katey!" my father yelled.

"Coming!" I yelled back and with that I ran down the stairs so that we could catch the plane.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

When we got to the Hotel Oceana, Susie decided to go down to the pool to meet some of the kids down there. She had changed into her swimsuit and of course mom had to make a point of telling her to stay on hotel grounds. I decided to go down to the pool so that I could read. I didn't want feel like putting my swimsuit on, I'm not like my sister. I don't care if people don't like me here, I didn't want to move anyway. One of the boys, James Phelps, asked me to join him and his friends. Which I did, but I still felt out of place.

"I'm James Phelps," he said. "This is Eve, Pauly, Steph, and I assume that you already know Susie."

Eve of course mentioned something about the weather and that's when it hit me that I was still wearing my sweater. As I was taking it off I accidentally knocked into the pool boy who was bringing everyone their drinks. It was in that moment that I discovered that Eve wasn't as nice as she wanted you to believe.

After having knocked his tray out of his hands and listening to Eve insult him I fallowed, knowing that he'd have to pay for the drinks that were spilt. As I tried to talk my way into paying for them, which I was refused, I noticed the pool boy getting new drinks for Eve and her friends.

"I'm sorry," I said to him slowly. I wasn't sure if he spoke English or not.

"I don't need you charity," he replied curtly.

"I'm sorry about what Eve called you."

"It's nothing."

"Not to me."

"Then why are you apologizing?" he asked as he walked off with his tray.

The next day I started my new school. My first class was English. They had started "he Odyssey" by Homer which I had read last year. Like Susie always likes to brag about, I'm a brain. I took advanced classes and I was probably going to Berkley in the fall. most girls don't like to let on when they're smart but I just had to open my mouth and say something. The teacher asked the class what a passage meant and one of the girls had replied by saying, "It's about a bunch of drunk guys doing it." He then decided that I could answer the question which I did.

By the end of the day I was feeling quit out of place. I had let it slip to the entire class that I was a brain. I had went to catch the van back to the hotel but it left without me, so I ended up walking for an hour. I could hear music playing from one of the squares so I fallowed and that's when I saw him. He was dancing with his friends, dancing like I had never seen before. My parents were dancers back before they had us and they had taught us ballroom dances.

I was curious and tired from walking so I stopped and watched. It looked like fun. I had only planned on staying for a few minutes but a few minutes turned into a half hour. In an instant I found myself looking straight into his face. I didn't know how he would react to me being there watching the dancing, I mean after what happened yesterday, it was hard to decide if I should just walk away or if I should stay and see what would happen. I didn't really have the time to decide on either one because he had decided to come over and talk, I assumed.

"You suddenly felt the urge for Cuban music?" he asked.

"The van left without me. I've been walking for an hour," I replied.

"I can walk you back," he offered.

"Oh, no, that's okay. I'll find my way."

"Yeah. You'll find your way in a week or month. Just let me say bye," he laughed.

I laughed back. He went to grab his shirt and say goodbye to an old man sitting on a chair playing the guitar. As he walked back to where I stood I kept wonder what he had called the old man.  
"It's my grandfather," he said. "You know like what? Five words in Spanish."

"Maybe ten," I said.

"So what are you studying so hard to do?" he asked after pointing to my book bag.

"I haven't figured it out yet," I said.

He had taken my book bag from me to carry. Something that I'm not use to, except from my father. As we got closer to one of the street corners I heard some people singing and music playing, then we say them. A group of musicians playing a song, in Spanish, and a group of on lookers watching. Before long the police were coming after us and the little group, apparently because of what the musicians were singing. As he was grabbed by a police man he pointed in the direction of the hotel telling me to run.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"Katey, you have to eat something. Please eat something," my mother pleaded.

"I'm not hungry. I don't want anything to eat," I replied curtly.

The one thing that my family didn't know was that I had two very deep dark secrets that I didn't want them to know. They had found that if they let me take my food to my room to eat that I didn't actually eat it. So they forced me to eat at the table with them, but it wasn't something that I wanted to make a habit out of. Besides the food was horribly fattening, something that my family would never understand.

The pressure to be perfect at everything made it hard to keep it to just school. I started to look at my body and how I looked to other people and the names that they called me didn't help. People that I went to school with back home had started to call me a cow and other rude remarks concerning my weight and how I look. That's what started it all.

"Katey, your mom sent me in here to persuade you to come out of your room and eat something," my dad said.

"Why can't she just leave things alone?" I asked.

"She's just worried about, we all are. Please don't argue with me, just come down and eat. Make your mother happy."

"Fine," I said and stormed out of the room.

I don't understand why my mother can't just stay out of it. Why can't she just leave me alone? I wondered as I walked to the dinning room in our hotel room.

After last night, I decided to go practice the new dancing I saw, as far away as possible my parents. My mother seemed to not be able to keep her nose out of my life. I knew that she was trying to set me up with James Phelps because he fit into her perfect life. I knew she only want what was best for me but sometimes she just tried too hard.

"It's a good thing I had all these boring American books. They realized that I couldn't be a revolutionary," he said walking toward the table to put my books down.

"I'm sorry about yesterday," I replied.

"It's okay."

"My name's Katey Miller. Thank you for helping me."

"It's okay. I'm Javier Suarez," he said walking away. "You know you move well for an American, but if you want to see some real dancing you should go to the La Rosa Negra Saturday, that's where all the real dancers are."

"Oh, I can't. I got invited to the country club Saturday night."

"That was fast. Is that why you want to learn Cuban dancing?" he asked. "To impress your date? Don't worry. They won't be dancing like that, just learn the fox trot instead."

"I already know the fox trot," I said to his back as he walked back to work.

My mother thought that it would be fun to take me shopping for the country club, which it was but unfortunately what I picked out wasn't something that I really wanted to wear. I mean sure it was pretty but I wanted to fit in and this dress wouldn't allow me to do that. The maid that was assigned to clean our suit let me borrow one of her dresses.

When I arrived I was trying to be like everyone else but with my father there it didn't help any, after he left it didn't get better. I had taken my sweater off because there was no use in wearing a dress if I was just going to keep it covered up. Eve and her friends didn't help by laughing at me, maybe I shouldn't have worn this dress, but then James came up. He liked how I was dressed.

"Would you like something to drink or eat perhaps?" he offered.

"I ate before I came. Thank you anyway," I replied.

"You think we're going to believe that," Eve chirped.

"What do you mean?" I asked curiously.

"Don't think you can fool us. I've seen you at lunch, you don't eat anything you just push your food around your plate," Eve replied.

"Come on, Katey. Lets dance," James said as he led me away.

A few songs later Eve wanted to know if we wanted to go to party at Pauly's house because her parents were out of town. I didn't want to go, so I mentioned that James and I were going to go to a Cuban club, La Rosa Negra. I wanted to go so that I could see Javier again. I knew that he'd be there, otherwise why would he have told me to go tonight.

As we entered La Rosa Negra, I looked around and the dancing was incredible. The way they felt the music. I knew that James didn't want to be here, he would rather be at Pauly's with Eve and everyone else but he indulged me. That's when I saw Javier dancing with two other girls and it amazed me, he looked so free and like he was enjoying being here.

This time when he looked at me I smiled because I knew that he wasn't going to be upset to see me there. He came over and the one thing I thought about was if I looked fat but I didn't dare say anything. I didn't want him to think that I'm weird. I couldn't help but wonder if he thought I was fat I know everyone else does. Ever since I met Javier I wanted to get skinnier so that he wouldn't think that I'm fat.

I had started skipping breakfast and lunch. Sure I took food but I never ate it I just wanted it to seem like I was eating. I've always skipped breakfast and lunch but lately I've been skipping dinner, saying that I'd already eaten or that I'll eat later. I was pleased with myself because I was starting to see my bones but it still wasn't good enough.

"Would you like to dance?" Javier asked.

"Okay," I replied as he led me to a spot on the dance floor.

As we danced he kept putting my arms around his neck, which made me nervous because of the scars that are up and down my arms. I was worried that he might ask about them, I didn't want him to ask about any of the obvious marks or any of my odd behaviors. I knew that he could feel my bones and I knew that he could see my self inflicted scars.

We finished dancing and he told me about the only couple that was dancing now. He said that they were king and queen of La Rosa Negra, that whenever they took the dance floor it was theirs. I could see that he envied them just like I envied the stick thin models back home. He introduced me to his brother, Carlos and his friends then James decided to take me home. James didn't end up taking me home, Javier did. James had tried to take advantage of me but I ran back into the club get away from him. I figured that Javier had questions so I kind of expected them to come. When they came I explained, the best I could without giving to much away.

"Can I ask you a question?" Javier asked cautiously.

"Sure, go ahead," I replied.

"What are your scars from?"

"Oh, those," I laughed. "Back home I had a cat." I couldn't believe that I just said that, it's the lamest excuse in the book.

"Why didn't you bring your cat with you?"

"They wouldn't let him on the plane. I gave him to one of my friends to keep for me."

"At least he's safe. Can I ask you another question?"

I just nodded my head. I knew what lay ahead of me.

"Why are you so thin? I mean I can feel your bones through your dress. Is this a new fad in America?"

"I'm fine. I just had a really bad cold. I haven't fully recovered from it."

"That must've been some cold. Well this is where I say goodbye," he said looking in the direction of the hotel.

"Thanks for walking me home," I said not knowing what to do. I thought about giving him a kiss but that was out of the question, I mean who would want to kiss me.

"You're welcome. I'm sorry that your evening was so difficult. You should get home before your parents worry about you."


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

The next day I found myself thinking about the questions that Javier asked. The lies that I told him were worse than the truth. Why couldn't I have just told him the truth? It wasn't that hard to tell him that I cut myself, that it wasn't the cat. I could've told him the truth about why I was so thin. I could have said that I'm so thin was because I don't eat like everyone else. Why did I have to lie to him? Maybe it was because I had fallen in love with him and I didn't want him to go away.

I decided to enter the dance competition at The Palace. I also knew who I wanted my dace partner to be, Javier.

"What are you doing here?" Javier asked.

"I'm sorry you go fired. There's this dance competition at The Palace, I was thinking about entering."

"How do I play into this?"

"You could enter as my dance partner," I said cheerfully.

"You mean dance with you?"

"Geez I'm not that bad, besides you didn't think that last night."

"I wasn't trying to win a dance competition," he said curtly.

"Oh weren't you?" I said.

"I won't have the time," he said turning away.

As I walked away I left the flier for the dance competition on a table where Javier would see it. I knew what he meant by dancing with me, he didn't want to be seen with me because of my enormous size, but I held out hope that he'd see past that and want to dance because I knew that he could use the money.

"Hey Katey!" James said during lunch. "Why aren't you eating anything?"

"I don't feel well," I replied absently.

"If you don't feel good why don't you stay home?"

"I don't want to miss any of my classes."

"It's not gonna kill you to miss one days worth of classes."

"It may not kill me but my mom would have a fit if I missed any more classes. I mean I've missed over two months worth of classes. Please just leave me alone."

"Not eating again I see," Eve said.

"Leaver her alone, Eve," James said.

"Excuse me, I think I'm going to be sick," I said running to the bathroom. All I wanted was to get away from Eve's taunting. Why can't she just leave me alone?

I only had two more classes until I could go home, they went fast but that was because I wasn't really paying attention to what we were supposed to learn. I was planning on going for a run to burn off some of those extra pounds that I had gained. What I saw after school waiting for me quite a surprise.

This time I didn't get lost and Javier didn't get arrested for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. To tell you the truth I was just glad that my mother understood when I called home and told her that I wouldn't be home for a while. I told her that I'd miss dinner which upset her but I told her that I'd eat something before I came home.

Javier and I had spent that day trying to learn a routine. He said that I danced like his mothers ironing board and that the circle I made with my hips wasn't a circle at all but a square. We both had things that we needed to learn from each other. I was scared whenever Javier touched me because I didn't want him to notice that I was getting thinner, I didn't want to have to answer any questions.

"Javier, can we take a break?"

"Sure, would you like to get something to eat?"

"No thank you. I'm really not hungry but thanks for the offer. You can get something if you like."

"Are you sure that it won't be that uncomfortable?"

"I'm sure. I'm kind of used to it," I said not realizing what I had said.

"What do you mean you're used to it?" he asked curiously.

I didn't know what to say but I knew that I shouldn't have said what I did because it seemed to have caused a slight problem. I knew now that I'd have Javier watching my every move. I had a feeling that if I didn't eat something to keep him from suspecting anything.

"Katey, are you sure that you don't want anything to eat?" he asked.

"I'm fine, thanks," I replied but as I said that I found myself getting weaker and weaker. I wasn't sure if I was going to faint or not. My world was starting to go black and I could feel myself fall but I never felt myself hit the ground.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Katey, wake up. Please wake up," Javier pleaded.

Though I could hear him it was hard to wake up. I was so tired and hungry. I knew that I should open my eyes and tell Javier that I'm fine but my body didn't want to wake up. My body wanted to sleep so that I could regain some strength. All I wanted was to sleep.

"Katey, you have to wake up."

I could feel the soft cushions of a couch, Javier must have brought me to his house after I fainted. I wondered what his family thought, him bringing home a complete stranger. It probably didn't come across to well with his brother. The one time that I met Carlos, he seemed to hate the Cuban government and people like me.

"Javier, what is she doing here?" Carlos asked.

"I decided to be her partner for the dance competition. We were dancing and she fainted," Javier explained.

"Well what's wrong with her?"

"I don't know she just fainted. Carlos don't you have something else to do?"

"Carlos…leave Javier alone." their mother said. "Is she okay, Javier?"

"I'm not sure mama. I don't know what to do. One minute we're dancing and the next she's one the floor and I don't know why," Javier explained to his mother. "Katey…wake up…I don't know what to do…please give me some signal that you're alright."

I could hear him get up and go to another part of his house, probably to get something to eat or a glass of water. With my eyes shut I couldn't figure out what was going on. Though I wanted to open them I didn't have the strength too, my mind and body were awake they were stronger than my will.  
"Katey, you have to wake up," Javier pleaded. "I don't know what to do."

"Javier?" I asked after I opened my eyes. "Where am I?"

"I brought you to my house. You fainted and I didn't know what to do."

"Thank you. I'm sorry that I fainted, I've just been really tired lately."

"Javier?" his mother asked.

"Yes, mama?" Javier replied.

"Why don't you invite Katey stay for the night? She can call her parents and tell them where she's at and what happened."

"That's okay, Mrs. Saurez. I should really head home, I'm sure that my parents are worried about me."

"I insist. I'll call your parents and tell them everything."

"Thank you for letting me stay the night."

"You're welcome. You can change into this," She said as she handed me a nightgown.

I could hear her on the phone with one of my parents, she was telling them about what happened and from the sounds of it my parents understood. As she was on the phone with them I was changing into the nightgown that she gave my to where. She also let me change in her room away from the men. I had found a mirror in her room and was looking at my body when Javier walked in. Of course he scared me but what scared me more was that he saw what I looked like underneath my clothes.

"Javier? Please don't say anything to anyone," I pleaded.

"Katey? I won't say anything but I want to understand why you look like this," Javier said.

"I didn't want you to see me like this," I said hoping that he would take it and not ask anymore questions.

"That doesn't answer my question. Please tell me why you look like this," he said with a look that said that he wouldn't be happy unless I gave him the truth.

I looked at my reflection and I saw what he was looking at. I knew how he saw me, a walking skeleton with scares on my stomach and upper arms and legs. The scares on my arms only went down the point of where my sleeves ended and on my legs they went down to the tops of my knees. I didn't want anyone to see the scars. That's why I cut myself mostly on my stomach. Looking at my reflection in the mirror I knew that he found my appearance disgusting. I knew that I had to tell him the truth but I didn't know how he would take it.

"I don't want to lose you," I said realizing too late that I should've never said it in the first place.

"You won't lose me. I don't want to lose you. I want to understand what is going one with you," Javier said.

"If I tell you that you promise that you won't leave me and that you won't get mad at me. Promise that you won't tell anyone," I pleaded.

"I promise not to leave you, not to tell anyone and I promise that I won't get mad at you."

"Thank you. The reason that I look like this is because I need to be perfect. I have an eating disorder, anorexia. I don't eat as much as I'm supposed to. I find that food is fattening. I don't want to be fat. I want to be tiny, only skin and bones. I want to live off of the nothing but water," I offered. It was the only way I could explain it.

"What about the scares Katey?"

"I cut myself. I do it because it's a way of coping with my emotions. The things that I do to myself is just a way of coping with all of the pressure to be perfect," I said through my tears.

"I want you to get better Katey. I want to help you. I don't want to lose you to this. I may not understand it but I don't want to lose you."

"You're not going to lose me."

"What about when you go off to college? Won't I lose you then?" he asked.

"I'm not going to go to college. I don't want to leave you. If I go off to college I'll just get worse. I'll die if I go to college."

"We'll make it together. I'll help you get better and you can help me to become the person that I want to be."

With that I finished getting dressed and with that I fell asleep with his arms around me, knowing soon that he would follow into deep slumber.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

The next morning I woke up next to Javier with his arms around me. I laid there wanting to get up but knowing that if I do so that I would wake him. I wanted him to get sleep. I wanted him to sleep as long as possible because I wanted him to forget what had happened the previous night.

I didn't know what I was going to do. I wanted to get better but I didn't want to become fat. I didn't want him to leave me because I gained weight. The one thing that I didn't tell him was that I have been cut free for about six months. I knew that I should've told him, I don't know why I didn't. I could feel him stirring, waking up.

"Katey?" he asked as if amazed that I was still here.

"Mmmm?" I responded.

"Are you okay?" he said with a concerned look on his face.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I just thought that maybe after what happened yesterday…"

"You mean after I fainted? I'm fine, I'll be fine."

"What about your eating, the cuts?"

"With your help I think I can make it. Just promise me one thing…promise that you won't tell anyone?"

"I promise."

After that I got up and started looking for the clothes that I arrived in only to find that they weren't where I left them. I didn't want Javier's family seeing me in only a nightgown. I didn't want them to see my fat body. I really wanted to know where my clothes were. I felt like puking at the thought of having to not only eat breakfast but also having to sit in a nightgown.

"Good morning Javier. Good morning Katey," Mrs. Suarez said peeking her head through the door.

"Good morning," we both said.

"Katey, I brought you some of my clothes from when I was your age. They should fit if they don't let me know, okay?"

"Thank you so much, Mrs. Suarez," I replied as I was running to the bath room to get dressed.

The clothes that Mrs. Suarez had brought me fit like a glove. Sure I loved them but I didn't want to disgust anyone with my fat rolls that were showing through. I also didn't want to upset Javier. He knew of my problems and I knew that he and the rest of the world could see the signs that were apparent, which included the scars on my arms. I knew that I had to find something to cover myself up with so as not to upset anyone.

Mrs. Suarez was kind enough to let me stay in her house, in her bed, with her youngest son. She let me borrow some of her clothes and she welcomed me with open arms. I don't even know how I'm supposed to thank her, I'm sure that eating the meal that she prepared would work but I yet I was terrified of eating it. I didn't want to gain a ton of weight right now, especially with the dance competition coming up. Then it hit me I could eat whatever I wanted and then excuse myself to throw it up and that's exactly what I did.

"Katey, I should get you home," Javier said after we had all finished breakfast and I had finished throwing it all up.

"I hope that I didn't scare you too much, yesterday." I said.

"Of course you scared me. I didn't know what to do. I was terrified by what happened yesterday. I know that I should have taken you to your parents but I didn't want to be accused of something that I had no control over. I didn't want to end up in trouble with your parents over this, but I especially didn't want you to end up in some sort of trouble over this."

"Javier, I wouldn't have let them treat you like that. You're way to important to me. I'd never let them do anything to you. Besides it's my problem not yours and they understand that. This isn't the first time that I've fainted like this. The last time this happened I ended up in the hospital for several days," I said, barley over a whisper.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" he asked worriedly.

"I'm positive that I'll be fine. Please don't worry about me. I'm fine…I'll be fine. Right now all we need to worry about is the completion. We can worry about me afterward," I said cheerfully, hoping that he'd let it go.

"Katey, I'm not going to do this. You're more important than some silly competition. You can't make yourself less important," Javier said angrily.

"You're wrong," I sighed. "I'm not important. The only thing that I'm ever going to be good at is school and reaching perfection."

"We'll talk about this later, I promise," Javier said while kissing me on the forehead. "Now lets get you home, I don't want your parents to worry about you anymore then they already are."

"Thank you, Javier. I promise that we will talk about this later, after I rest," I said hugging him.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

When I got back home I found my mother and father sitting on the couch waiting. They knew what had happened, where I had been, and who I had been with. I knew that they were more worried about what had happened then who I had been with. I didn't feel like having an argument with them about my eating disorder. I was hoping that they wouldn't say anything about it, but then again the last time they found out was due to me fainting in the middle of the hall after asking my English teacher if I may use the bathroom, so I knew that there was no chance that they would have forgotten about any of it.

My parents never forgot anything and they never let Suzie or I get away with anything. They always looked out for us, they only wanted what was in our best interest. That's why my father had taken the job here, in Havana, and why they quite dancing. They never did anything, after we were born, that wasn't for the better for my sister and I. They also always wanted to us to be the best. It may not have started out that way but that's how it seemed to have been since I was very young. They started pressuring me to get grades that are no less then B's, but I knew that B's would never be good enough for them. I knew by the way that they talked about Suzie and I that if we so much as thought about getting anything less than an A that they would be severely disappointed.

It was this disappointment that had started me down this path of self-destruction. I strove to be the perfect student and daughter. I wanted to make my parents proud. This first stage of perfectionism was over looked by everyone I knew, my parents, sister, friends, family, everyone. No one that that my need to be perfect was odd. My mother's sister, while she was staying at our house asked if I had gained any weight. That's when I first started to think about my weight and how my peers and family members perceived me.

My class mates didn't make it easy for me. They had decided to call me names such as, cow and whale, things like that. The pressure to be perfect and the names from my peers had made my life harder to cope with. I found a way to relieve my emotions, I started to cut myself. Alone with that I wanted to lose weight. I wanted to be perfect in every way. I discovered that if I cut down what I ate and exercised off that which I ate I lost weight fast. Even though I lost the weight fast and I became a walking skeleton and I didn't even notice. All I saw was a big blimp.

My parents didn't notice at first. They started asking if I'd lost weight and that I looked good. Once I started to get deathly thin they sent me to a psychologist and after a few times of going to see the psychologist advised my parents to admit me to an in-patient program set up especially for people like me. The psychologist also told them that this was something that I'd always have to battle and that there was a chance that I could go back after I was released from the in-patient program.

They took the psychologists advice and sent me to an in-patient program twenty-three miles away from our town. I stayed there for the better part of three months, then they released me. When I went home I weighed little over 100 pounds, which my psychologist thought was good progress. A few months after my release we moved to Cuba, but what my parents didn't know was that once I was released I went back to dropping the weight.

"Katey," I heard my mother say from the couch. "Katey, honey? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"What about what happened yesterday? Javier's mother called us and told us that you fainted," my father said worriedly.

"Oh…that. I just got tired," I said hoping that they would believe it.

"Katey, I don't think that you fainting had anything to do with being tired," my mother replied.

"Jez!!! What do you think it's from? I had an exhausting day at school. Why don't you ever believe me?" I yelled at them both.

"Katey…honey…we trust you. We're just worried about you, that's all," my father said, still sounding worried.

"You're not starving yourself again, are you?" my mother asked, worried all of a sudden.

"Of course not, mother!!! Why would think a thing like that?" I yelled.

"Honey? We've just been noticing that you haven't been eating very much, at least not as much as your psychologist would like you too," my father replied, as if I didn't know how much I was eating.

"I know it's just been really stressful moving and starting at a different school during my senior year. It's just been really hard to adjust. I promise that I'm fine and that I'm eating what I'm supposed to," I said, knowing that they'd believe it.

"Okay, now go rest," my father said, buying my little lie.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

I couldn't stand to be in the same room as my sister at the moment. She always knew everything and this was one thing that I didn't want her to find out about. Suzie had a habit of telling our parents everything that went one with the both of us. That's how they found out about my problem the first time. I knew that I had to get away but I also knew that my parents wouldn't let me leave our suit for a while. They wanted to keep an eye on me and make sure that I was okay. They wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to do anything to myself. Keeping that in mind I resigned myself to the fact that I should go and rest.

"Katey? I'm sorry about Javier losing his job. I never meant for that to happen," Suzie said as soon as walked into our room.

"I know you didn't and I forgive you, but you really should be apologizing to Javier not me," I told her.

"I know but I don't want to upset him. I don't want him to quit liking you because of me. You two look good together and he seems so nice."

"He is, Suze. I really like him but I know that mom doesn't. I feel like we're supposed to be together but I know that mom won't go for it."

"She may not but I know that dad likes him," Suzie giggled.

"How do you know?" I asked.

"He talks about you two all the time. You should hear him. He goes on and on about Javier and you. I think if arranged marriages were legal he would arrange for you," she laughed.

"Suzie!!!"

"What? It's true. I've heard him say it, but you know how mom is."

"Yeah. If I were to come home and announce my engagement or my marriage to Javier she'd have a fit. Father would be thrilled but mother would be horrified."

"Mom would kill you. We both know that according to her we're supposed to marry handsome white American men, someone from the country club and who has money," replied Suzie.

"I'll never be perfect enough for mom," I said absently.

"Katey, you don't have to be perfect for anyone. Mom's just a perfectionist, you know that. She only wants what's best for us. You're not back to starving yourself are you? Or cutting yourself?" she said worriedly.

"Of course not."

I hated lying to Suzie but I knew that if I told her the truth that she'd just tell mom and dad and I didn't want them to know. I had a hard enough time knowing that Javier knew my deepest and darkest secrets. I never intended for anyone to find out about my relapse. I didn't want to think about the repercussions of my actions.

"Katey…you know that you can tell me anything. I promise I won't tell," Suzie pleaded.

"Last time I told you something you told mom and dad and they sent me to a psychologist and then to an in-patient program."

"Please tell me…I promise not to tell mom or dad this time. I didn't like being in the house without you for so long. Please?"

"Promise not to tell anyone?"

"I promise. You are aren't you?" she asked.

"I'm what?"

"Starving and cutting yourself?"

All I could do was nod my head.

"I knew it."

"Remember that you promised that you wouldn't tell anyone," I reminded her. "Swear you won't tell anyone."

"I swear."

"Suzie?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you want to meet Javier?"

"Of course I do. I can apologize to him. Does he know?"

"About what?"

"About your…your…"

"About my problems?" I interrupted.

"Yeah."

"Of course he knows. I need to rest before we go, 'kay?"

"Okay. I'm just gonna read," she said.

In my dream I saw everyone I know turn away from me in disgust. No one stayed by my side. I didn't know what was going on. I tried to speak and ask them what was going on, what I had done to be treated like this, but nothing came out. I started to look about me to see what was wrong but I saw nothing. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw a mirror and I went to it. In the mirror I was that what everyone was disgusted by was me.

In the mirror I saw that I was thinner than I'd been in through my entire battle with anorexia. I wondered how I could stand. The one thing that I didn't see was disgust, what I saw was beauty. The beauty of what I had become. I couldn't see how horrible I looked to everyone else, all I saw was the fat that was hanging off of me. I didn't know why they would find me hideous for being to thin, I thought that they would find my disgustingly hideous fat body repulsing. In the end I guess my dream was trying to tell me that my perceptions of what other people thought of me were wrong.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

I went to see Javier and of course Suzie came along. When we got into La Rosa Negra I looked for Javier but Suzie found him first. Suzie ran over to Javier and immediately apologized for getting him fired from the hotel. It was then that I remembered that I wanted to talk to him about my problems but it was the day before the competition and I didn't want to miss out on time to practice our dance. It took all afternoon Javier and I to get all of the bugs worked out of our routine. After that Javier wanted to take us somewhere to get something to eat.

They both knew that where ever we went I wouldn't order anything bigger than a salad with oil and vinegar and a glass of water. I knew that they wanted to help and that they were hungry, they knew that they could eat but it wasn't what they wanted. I felt guilty for putting Suzie through this again and for putting Javier through this for the first time. Suzie knew that it was bad but Javier didn't understand at all.

"Katey, you have to eat something…something more than a salad. Please," Suzie pleaded.

"I agree. You should eat more than a salad. You should keep your strength up especially with the competition tomorrow," Javier chimed in.

"If I eat anything more substantial than a salad I'll gain ten pounds. I don't want to look like a pig in the dress that I have picked out for the competition," I said, panicked.

"No you won't. If you gain ten pounds so what? You're so thin already whatever weight you gain will make you look a little bit better and mom and dad won't be so suspicious. I don't want you to go away again," Suzie said when she started to cry.

"You mean that your parents sent you to the hospital before because of this?" Javier asked.

"I know I didn't tell you but I didn't want you to worry any more than you were."

I knew that I had upset Javier by not telling him about my stay in the in-patient program. Of course I knew that I should've told them but I couldn't bring myself to tell him. I didn't want him to worry so much about me.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asked sounding hurt.  
"I didn't want to worry you anymore then I already was. I thought that if you knew you'd hate me, you'd leave me. I don't want to be apart from you. I love you, Javier," I said crying.

"I'd never leave you, Katey. I love you to much to leave you because of something like this," he said.

"The last person that I thought that liked me left after he found out what was wrong with me," I offered.

"He was a jerk, anyway," Suzie whispered underneath her breath.

"She's right. Someone who says that they love you but runs when you're sick is a jerk," agreed Javier. "Katey?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you going to have the strength to dance tomorrow in the competition?" Javier asked.

"Yes. I promise that I'll eat at least dinner, maybe more if I can manage it. I'm not going to promise to eat anymore than that but I will eat that."

"I'll make sure that she eats dinner," Suzie said.

"That's all that I ask. I just don't want you to collapse in the middle of the dance floor or the dance. I don't want them to take you away from me," said Javier as he started to cry.

"They can't take me anywhere because I'm eighteen. They need my permission to put in the hospital this time," I explained.

"I think that you two should be getting home. You both need rest. Suzie…make sure that your sister rests and eats something tomorrow before the dance, for me?"

"Sure," she agreed.

"Let me walk you two home," he offered.

With that we left for home with Javier by my side.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

When I woke up I found that Javier hadn't gone home like I thought but had stayed, fallen asleep in the chair in our room. I didn't remember coming home, getting into bed and falling asleep. I wanted to wake him but I didn't want him to see me without any thing covering my thin body. I knew that he should go home but my parents had invited him to stay the night and that if I sent him home he might never come back. I never thought that my parents liked him but this proved me wrong.

I got up and went into the bathroom so that I could take a shower and get dressed and all of the stuff that I normally do in the morning, which included weighing myself. That's when I saw to my horror that I had gained three pounds. I wasn't happy about that now I knew that I'd look disgusting in the dress I had picked out for the competition. I decided that no food would pass my lips today and that I would go for a run. So instead of putting on the outfit I had picked out I put on my running outfit and my running shoes.

When I got back from my run I found everyone sitting around the table looking worried. I thought that maybe the hotel was moving us to different suit but I got the feeling that it was about me.

"Katey, why did you go out for a run this morning?" my father asked.

"I'm just nervous about the dance competition this evening, that all," I replied.

"Katey, you need to eat. You can't keep doing this to yourself. You're going to die if you keep this up. You need to stop all of your foolishness," my mother said irritated.

"I only eat when I'm hungry. I don't need you to tell me what to do. I can make my own decisions. I can take care of myself. I'm not going to die. You're just jealous that I'm thin and young and beautiful and you're old," I said. After that outburst my mother slapped me. I knew why.

"How dare you. I'm your mother and you need to remember that. You obviously don't know what's good for you and I will not have you talking to me or anyone like that, especially me. Katey, I know that this is hard for you but we want to help you. We don't want you to waste away. You have your father, Susie, Javier, and I, we're not going anywhere. We all love you," my mother said lovingly.

"I'm sorry about what I said but I feel like you're taking something away from me. I know that I can't do this by myself but I don't know if I can do this at all. Just please don't send me to one of those treatment facilities. I'll go to a therapist, anyone you want just please don't send me away," I begged.

"Do you want to get better, Katey?" Susie said. "Are you sure that you want to get better and stay better."

"I'm sure, Susie. I know that I can't do this alone, I don't have the strength to do this alone. I know that I need help not only for my eating but for…for…" I trailed off.

"For your cutting?" Susie offered.

"Yes for that as well. I know that I need help but going to place like that won't help. I can't do it with out the support of all of you."

"I'll make arrangements for us to fly home so that we can get you help," my father said. I knew what this meant, I meant that my father would be giving up his job and we'd be leaving for home and I would never see Javier again.

"What about the competition? What about Javier?" I asked.

"We'll be staying through the competition and I think I have an answer to your other question, but I need to talk to the rest of Javier's family first," my father explained.

"What about your job? I don't want you giving up your job for me."

"Family comes first. You know that Katey. Besides I'll just ask for a transfer."

"Please don't tell them about my problems!"

"Don't worry, I won't. I'm going to tell them that I need to be transferred home because it's in the best interest of my family. It's getting late and the dance competition is in only a couple of hours, why don't I drive Javier home so that I can talk with his family and Susie, your mother, and you get ready and I'll meet you back here and we'll all go together. Okay?" my father asked.

"Okay. See you in a little bit daddy," I said as Javier and my father left the suit.

"Mother?" I asked.

"Yes?"

"I know that you don't like Javier, so what made you change your mind?" I asked after I put my dress on.

"I'm still not thrilled about you and him but I can see that he makes you happy. You're acting the way I did when I fell in love with your father. I just didn't want to see you hurt but I can see now that keeping the two of you apart isn't doing anyone any good. I just want to make sure that he can take care of you," my mother said. "You look beautiful. Are you sure you want to do this, the dancing I mean?"

"I promised Javier I'd do it. So I need to do it."

"Hey my lovely girls. I have good news," my father said after greeting the three of us.

"Javier and his family will be coming back to America with us. I spoke to his mother and grandfather and they both thought said that they would do it. Katey are you going to compete?"

"I have to I promised Javier, I'll let him down if I don't."

"I withdrew us from the competition. We can go watch if you want?" Javier offered.

"I'd love to go and watch. Your really coming back with me?" I asked.

"My mother, my grandfather, my little sister, my brother, and me will be flying back with you and your family. We can be together forever. If your family permits," he said looking at his family.


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

It's been a year and half since I left Cuba with mine and Javier's family for home. I've been seeing a therapist for about the same amount of time. I'm still working on myself to get better but with the support of my family and Javier's I think that I can make it.

After I got help and got a little bit better Javier asked me to marry him. We're currently engaged and taking everything slowly. Javier is back in school and we're taking one day at a time.

The end.


End file.
